Now that they've officially stripped Pluto of its planetary status, the members of the International Astronomical Union have sentenced one of the world's most famous mnemonic devices to an eternity in oblivion. Never again will elementary school children utter that phrase, "My very educated mother just served us nine pizzas," in an effort to memorize the names of nine planets of our solar system. (Okay, some of my classmates always claimed their very educated mothers had just served them nine pickles, but I just thought that was weird. I mean, what kind of a mother, particularly one who is very educated, serves a kid nine pickles? Pizzas, on the other hand...) Obviously, the schoolteachers of the world need a new mnemonic for the 8 remaining planet names. The lazy solution would be to simply replace "nine pizzas" with a food item that starts with the letter "N." Something like...

My very educated mother just served us nachos.

or...

My very educated mother just served us nectarines

or...

My very educated mother just served us Nutter-Butters.

(Okay, I cheated on that last one. "Nutter Butter" isn't really hyphenated. But if we can change the arbitrary categorization of celestial objects, why can't we arbitrarily add hyphens wherever we damn well please?) Why not change the whole thing around. How about...

Most venomous eels make juice Slurpees until noon.

Or...

Mountaineers venerate every meager journey's status using nouns.

Or even...

Moronic vice-presidents espouse mostly junk sciences utilizing nonsense.

This is an opportunity to steer the future of our educational system, people! Let's be creative. You know, it's a damn shame the names of the 8 planets don't start with the letters T-G-W-A-G-I-O-A, because then the mnemonic could be...

Thank god 'Will and Grace' isn't on anymore.