If you haven't had a chance to catch all four parts of "Heavy: The Story of Metal" on VH1 yet, do yourself a favor and make it a priority. I'm not even much of a metal fan, but this documentary is converting me quickly. (I even made a special trip to the music store last night to pick up the first two Black Sabbath albums.) Watching interviews with people like Black Sabbath's Tony Iommi, Iron Maiden's Bruce Dickinson, and Quiet Riot's Frankie Banali is simultaneously hilarious and enlightening. These guys worked so hard for so many years to be dark and menacing and all things metal. Now they're articulate upper-class middle-aged men who can look back in amusement at the lives they once led. The series is doing little, however, to make me like 1980s hair metal bands. I don't like Mötley Crüe, I despise Poison, and I have no use whatsoever for the Scorpions. But if I had to pick just one band as my least favorite of all time, it would be Warrant. And if I had to pick just one song as my least favorite, it would be "Cherry Pie." And it wouldn't even be close. Just the sight of Warrant lead singer Jani Lane makes me cringe. And I mean really cringe. As it turns out, however, I have an unlikely ally in my hatred for all things "Cherry Pie:" Jani Lane. Here's what he had to say about the song during part 3 of "Heavy:"

I hate that song. I had no intention of writing that song. The record was done. The record was called "Uncle Tom's Cabin." And Donny Inner [president of Columbia Records] called up and said, "I don't hear the single. You gotta give me a fucking single like 'Love in an Elevator.' I need something like that." So that night I wrote "Cherry Pie." Sent it to him. He lived with it over the weekend. Then all of a sudden the album's called "Cherry Pie." The record's called "Cherry Pie." I'm doing cherry pie eating contests. The single's "Cherry Pie." Right? If I'm lying, I'm dying. And my legacy's "Cherry Pie." Everything about me is "Cherry Pie." I'm the "Cherry Pie" guy. I could shoot myself in the fucking head for writing that song.

I actually feel bad for him. Hell, I've hated him for 16 years because I thought he wanted to be the "Cherry Pie" guy. Some people might see his comments as sour grapes from a has-been, but I think it takes pretty big balls to trash your own legacy with such panache. Of course, as much as I admire Jani for his comments, this still isn't enough to make me like any of Warrant's music. Not even close.