Sunday night's Oscar ceremony has something that's usually missing from the big event: genuine suspense. The Aviator or Million Dollar Baby? Eastwood or Scorcese? Bening or Swank? In the major categories, only Jamie Foxx (Best Actor) seems a certainty to win. Which makes producer Gil Cates' attempts to make this year's Oscar ceremony look more like the MTV Movie Awards all the more infuriating. For one thing, Cates is extending the stage out into the audience. I assume this change was made so that host Chris Rock can get right in the face of every celebrity he insults. Fortunately, this means Russell Crowe won't have to reach very far to put Rock in a chokehold. Cates is asking winners to limit themselves to general, not individual, thank yous, and to focus instead on being witty during their acceptance speeches. I, for one, am hoping that someone shows wit by giving Cates the finger when the music cuts off their speech. To speed the broadcast up, Cates has suggested that some awards be presented in the audience. This will allegedly eliminate the need for people Cates doesn't care about (sound editors, for example) to waste precious time walking up to the stage from their seats in the back of the auditorium. Funny thing is, Mike Meyers got into trouble a few years ago for mocking the non-famous nominees in technical categories. So much trouble, in fact, that Academy president Robert Rehme had to issue a written apology. Rehme's letter stated, "We will endeavour to see that it doesn't happen again." Now that Cates is restricting these second class winners from the stage, it would seem Rehme's apology was hollow. The truth is, and what Cates doesn't seem to get, is that people actually watch the Oscars for the awards. It's not the acceptance speeches that drag everything out. It's all the damn singing and dancing. And the pointless speech by the Academy president. And the introduction of the accountants. And the honorary awards. Especially the honorary awards. We should just count ourselves lucky that Cates isn't producing the Super Bowl. If he was, he'd probably try to eliminate all that annoying football.